Being “Pseudo Recovered” Still Requires Hard Work

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Yesterday I came across this poem that really put into words many of the feelings that have consumed me since I left treatment close to two years ago. I know that I am on the path to recovery from my eating disorder and that I TRULY want to be better, but there are parts of me that ache all the time. I hurt because I am constantly fighting against a disease that is so deeply embedded inside of me, as well as society, that wherever I turn I am reminded of it. From breakfast, to lunch, to dinner… it plagues me. I mean who can say that food makes them “anxious” without feeling somewhat ostracized? Food is nourishment and is an integral part of sustaining a healthy mind/body, but honestly since it’s been my worst enemy for so long I am having a difficult time transitioning back to a normal relationship with it.

I recognize that most people will never understand me, and I wouldn’t wish upon anyone the painful task of spending 5 minutes inside of my head, but I can’t help, but be grateful for the poem above. It reassures me that I am not alone and that it’s okay that I’m still fighting even though I’ve been dealing with this disease for a few years now… It’s a marathon, not a sprint (so cliche I know), but the greatest things in life take time and I WILL be better in the long run.

I truly hope that this poem helps some of you as well. I know that it hurts, but we just have to keep fighting. Happy Tuesday 🙂

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Let’s Stop “Shaming” Once & For All.

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Being overwhelmed, and even debilitated, by guilt is how I often describe what it feels like to have an eating disorder. I’m my own harshest critic and when I was fully engrossed by my ED guilt consumed my every thought. From disappointing my loved ones, to not exercising enough, to eating too much or even the “wrong thing”… I always blamed myself and felt, what I thought was, outright guilty. I never really understood why this emotion was such a dominant part of my life, but I came across a very interesting article the other day that is helping me to comprehend where this emotion emerged from and… more specifically that I wasn’t actually an individual filled with guilt all of these years, but one consumed by shame 😦

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“Shame In Today’s Society: What It Means, And Why It Absolutely Needs To Stop” by Stephanie Castillo for Medical Daily highlights how our culture has become one that is obsessed with “shaming.” Castillo argues that we must put an end to this behavior immediately. One of the most eye opening parts of this article, for me based on my own personal emotions, is when Castillo distinguishes the difference between guilt and shame. After reading her piece I finally understood that I wasn’t simply engrossed by guilt while in my ED, but I was consumed by a feeling significantly more powerful and damaging : shame. In order to clarify the difference between shame and guilt Castillo references June Tangney, author of Shame in the Therapy Hour, who has found that when a person feels guilty they, they say, “I did a bad thing.” When they feel shame, they say, “I am a bad person for having done that.”

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Holy shit was that eye opening for me. From now on I will never define my emotions as guilty ones because they are in fact those of shame. My ED thoughts correlate directly with our society’s need to shame one another based on being “too thin,” “too fat,” “too slutty,” “too prude” etc. and as a result of this I have been relentlessly “fat shaming” myself for the past couple of years. From “fat shaming” to “thin shaming” NO ONE deserves to feel defective, impaired, or wounded, which shame will always cause…and which I can truly testify to…we all just need to

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The antidote, according to Brene Brown, a renowned shame researcher is empathy. “If you put shame in a Petri dish, it needs three things to grow exponentially: secrecy, silence, and judgment,” she said. “If you put the same amount of shame in a Petri dish and douse it with empathy, it can’t survive. The two most powerful words when we’re [struggling]: me too.”

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Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist and professor of psychology at California State in Los Angeles added: “The changes we need to see are more realistic media images, [starting to] value women for their minds and accomplishments, and raise public awareness of these eating disorders, and their depth and impact. Change can begin one woman at a time. And instead of shaming each other, we can support ourselves instead.”

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So, ladies and gentleman as someone who has felt shameful because of their eating disorder, body dysmorphia and anxiety for FAR TOO LONG I too am calling for an end to “shaming.” We all have enough to deal with emotionally, socially, mentally and physically so why should we make others feel badly about themselves? The answer is simple…we shouldn’t. Just because our society has become a mean one where it is ok, and even normal, to comment on women’s bodies doesn’t mean that we should continue practicing this behavior.

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From this day forward I encourage all of you to join me in pledging to stop spreading shame by looking inward and attempting to find empathy for others. We must remember that we are not alone even at our lowest points. I truly hope that since I am honest and open about my own struggles than others may relate to my story and realize that no one deserves to feel shame. This will be a challenge and change won’t happen in a day, but I believe in you all and I know that together we can make a difference, so let’s do it 😉

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Why Reshape Yourself, When You Can Reshape The World?

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 With champagne flowing, luxurious lingerie a plenty, and a plethora of vegan munchies Luxxie Boston, in partnership with Lighter, held it’s first ever “Fit Party” this past Saturday.

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*Team Luxxie in action*

Guests were invited to the Luxxie Lab to take in, and most importantly try on, our very first collection. With our garments hot off the press from LA all of our Kickstarter supporters and special guests were finally able to breathe in the true fabulousness of a Luxxie Boston!

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The line for the dressing room seemed to never end and the excitement of the opportunity to try on every style was palpable. With our leading Luxxie boss lady, Stefanie Mnayarji, on call every guest had the chance to experience a personal fitting with the brains behind this operation and learn why they needed a Luxxie in their closet. By the end of the event we were beyond pleased to see that many of our guests would no longer be “spanxing” themselves, but instead would be draped in silk feeling confident, sexy and comfortable all day long! World domination has officially begun so stay tuned for all that Luxxie Boston has in store because ladies why reshape yourself, when you can reshape the world?

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Cheers to you Mr. De La Renta

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Yesterday we lost a true fashion icon with the passing of Mr. Oscar De La Renta. His memory, however, will forever live on through all of his fabulous creations and he will never be forgotten. In honor of Mr. De La Renta I’ve compiled some of my favorite looks of his, as well as a few quotes, for you all to enjoy! Happy humpday and I hope that these images inspire you.

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Why Everyday Should Be ‘Love Your Body Day’

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Well ladies and gentleman I totally flaked and didn’t realize that yesterday was the official “Love Your Body Day.” My initial reaction to my brain flub was one of disappointment in myself because I missed the opportunity to raise awareness about such an important day. However, in an attempt to find the good in every situation, as well as be kinder to myself, I came up with a thought. The more I lulled over my mistake I came to realize that it’s actually kind of ridiculous that we have to set a specific date to remind people to love their body. In fact everyday should be “Love Your Body Day!” Also, no one is perfect, therefore, it is totally ok that I am a day off 😉 So, even though I missed the official “Love Your Body Day,” which by the way I think is a friggen FABULOUS campaign, I can’t let that stop me from spreading the word about the Love Your Body Campaign.

The Love Your Body Campaign was initiated by the NOW Foundation (National Organization For Women), in response to the unrealistic beauty standards that the media (and beauty industry) have placed on women. NOW strongly suggests that “the beauty template women are expected to follow is extremely narrow, unrealistic and frequently hazardous to their health.” And as someone who has personally dealt with disordered eating, and been in a treatment facility for the disease, I can attest to just how damaging this “beauty template” can be to how women, and even men, see themselves or even weigh their self worth.

The media, we must remember, is portraying unattainable images of beauty that are heavily photoshopped and altered. We shouldn’t be striving to look like these “fake” constructed images, but should be focused on bettering ourselves, finding a purpose and encouraging all women to feel empowered. So, I hope that every one of you out there will live everyday like it’s “Love Your Body Day” and challenge the media’s message to women that the value of their self worth is based on their willingness, as well as efforts, to “embody” current beauty standards.

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To learn more about how you can better your perception of beauty head on over to The National Organization For Women Foundation.

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Good Things Happen To Those Who Hustle.

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Happy Humpday everyone! Today I encourage you all to hustle harder, whatever that may mean to you 😉 In my current post grad, semi-employed, sometimes mental case (if you know me well than I doubt that you will argue against these descriptors) state, I am starting to see that in order to achieve the life I’ve always dreamed of than I have to alter my behaviors…shocking right? After some significant soul searching I have come to terms with the fact that yes, personally, I have ample (and I mean AMPLE) amounts of heart, but honestly my hustle game is a little weak. So, this fall is all about bettering my hustle and thus opening up exciting new doors in my life.

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I never thought that I would say this because life changes and I historically have not got on well…I mean it’s pretty safe to say that I resent, and desperately fight against most changes, but right now, almost 6 months after graduating it’s time for some new beginnings. I’ve got an amazing internship and so many opportunities knocking on my doorstep because I finally am taking the initiative to change my life. I didn’t, probably for the first time ever, let myself get stuck in my daydreams these past months or even let my anxieties weigh me down. Now, I am hustling to make my dreams a reality! I just want to live the best life possible, one that consists of hardwork, happiness, balance, heart and of course a fair amount of hustle 😉

So, ladies and gentleman my hustle game is on the rise and there is no turning back at this point. From now on I refuse to let my fear of change surpass my excitement about establishing my own “grown up life.” I promise to keep you all updated on how the hustle is going and I hope that you all are doing well!

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Luxxie Boston: Bringing Classy Back.

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Good Morning! I am BEYOND excited to announce my latest endeavor. Last week I took on the position of marketing/PR/social media intern at Luxxie Boston. My role will include blogging, managing the social media accounts and promoting this AMAZING, as well as innovative, product.

Luxxie Boston is a luxury lingerie company that Stefanie Mnayarji began in response to “the lack of options for foundation wear for women who wanted a solution that was functional, comfortable and sexy.” The modern women has no time for the disadvantages of discomfort and Luxxie Boston allows women to walk into any room with confidence because she does not have to worry about wardrobe annoyances. From slips, to camis, to maxis Luxxie has all you need for foundation wear. It’s finally time for us to say goodbye to the sausage casing that is shape wear!

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After learning about Luxxie Boston, and their goal to create a revolution in women’s lingerie, I knew that this was the right place for me! The message, which Luxxie Boston conveys is one of self and body acceptance. Why should we have to suffer in shapewear? We are fabulous just the way we are so no more restricting ourselves and accepting discomfort. It’s impossible for us to be the best versions of ourselves if we are uncomfortable and worried about the fit and feel of our clothes. Getting dressed in the morning should be an exciting part of our day and Luxxie Boston can help make it that way.

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There is so much room for growth in this position and I cannot wait to contribute to the Luxxie Boston movement. We are reinventing the slip for the modern women and allowing her to reach her fullest potential because she feels comfortable, sexy and confident. When you feel this way on the inside than it will undoubtedly shine through you. Are you ready for change? If so you can pre-order your Luxxie Boston here: LuxxieBoston.com

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Things I’m Loving Thursday :)

  • Burberry Monogrammed Poncho: I want you. I need you. I’m obsessed, but unfortunately for me Burberry’s (amazebalz) Color Block Check Blanket Poncho retails at $1,395.00, which is just slightly over my post-grad/part-time-employee budget. Yeah, it’s a major bummer, but a girl can dream though right?

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  • Isabel Wollf Novels: If you are in the market for a fun, flirty and light read you definitely must check out Isabel Wollf’s novels. Ms.Wollf’s characters are all British, single, thirty somethings looking for love in all the wrong places. Luckily for them though there’s always a happy ending 🙂

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  • Paige Denim: This fall Paige Denim jeans are just doing it for me. Their fit is great and they make me feel super confident. I won’t admit how many pairs I’ve bought, but I just love them. From boyfriend to boot cut to straight leg they have it all. I’m obsessed 😉

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  • Marblehead Forever: I can’t hide from it, but I am a townie at heart. I love being a third generation Marbleheader and there truly is no better place to grow up and call home. I was especially reminded of this when I spotted this flag on one of the homes in historic old town early the other morning. Marblehead is a special place plain and simple, even though my opinion might be slightly biased 😉

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