The other day a friend of mine shared a truly horrifying news article with me. The report shows how what we have accepted as “societal norms” can contribute to the issue of self esteem that is currently rampant among young girls. From personal experience I know just how damaging it is to be told at a young age that you are “fat” or “heavier” than the rest of your peers. It made me feel like a pariah and without a doubt played a role in the development of my eating disorder. I strived to be on the smallest end of the spectrum and as a result I had very little self esteem and was constantly consumed by my goal to lose weight. It was a miserable existence in all honesty. This is why I think I reacted so strongly to the story of nine year old Gwendolyn Williams  who was told by her school, based on her BMI, that she is obese.

As you can see, in the picture above, Gwendolyn is no where near being obese, let alone even overweight. In fact she is an extraordinarily healthy young girl who only now, because of her diagnosis of having a high BMI, has started questioning the adequacy of her own physical appearance. She is only nine years old and weight should not be on her radar. She should be playing outside, learning in school, and cultivating meaningful friendships instead of worrying about what her BMI means. Fortunately, Gwendolyn’s mother saw right through the BMI measurements and took a stand against the evaluation that her daughter is obese. She fought the school and has gone public about just how damaging these assessments can be on young children. We need more parents like Mrs. Williams who are motivated to stand up for their children’s well being and recognize that BMI assessments are outdated. In further support of the possible damaging affects that this “fitness assessment” based on a child’s BMI, can have on children, a representative from the Binge Eating Disorder Association stated that “dieting, especially for kids, is the gateway drug for eating disorders, and so is the public shaming that can come with this.” This reinforces the fact that it is crucial that we change how we talk to young children about weight and also that we teach them that it is not what is on the outside that matters, but what is on the inside. I know that I no longer take BMI measurements very seriously and I hope that each of you further your understanding of this outdated practice and come to your own educated conclusions.

For my senior sociology seminar our final assignment was to address/participate in some form of public sociology. My group, which was comprised of five senior girls including myself, choose to focus on finding an effective and meaningful way to educate and bring awareness to the body image issue that has such a dominant presence on most college campuses. The actual definition and explanation of body image, “refers to the way we perceive our own bodies and the way we assume other people perceive us. It is not inborn, but learned. This learning occurs in the family and among peers, but these only reinforce what is learned and expected culturally.” (Lightstone, 1991) Body image is clearly a sensitive topic and far too few people in today’s society are satisfied with their physical appearance. This is devastating and it is thus crucial that we come together and find methods to combat this societal and cultural problem.

In an effort to effectively address the body image issue on our own college campus we planned a programming event that is amazing and will definitely help bring awareness and education to this topic. Fat Talk Free Week, which occurs during the last week in October, was started by Tri-Delta Sorority. The goal of Fat Talk Free week is to:  “draw attention to body image issues and the damaging impact of the ‘thin ideal’ on women in society.” The purpose of Bowdoin’s Fat Talk Free Week will be to generate awareness around body image at Bowdoin College and in the greater community, as well as educate others about positive body image. This will be an awesome start to the semester and will really get the conversation about body image going on campus. We truly hope that once a group (Beauty is Colorful) is established that is willing to take on the authority of spreading this message, than body image conversations will have a permanent presence on this campus. Through creating a safe and comfortable environment for individuals to share their own experiences and talk about such a personal topic hopefully some of the stigmas surrounding this issue will disappear. We also have even created a poster campaign that will hopefully help kickstart the group. Here are the beautiful posters:

Through participating in this project I truly realized that even the smallest efforts can make a difference. So I encourage everyone to start today by filling in the statement below:

“I am beautiful because I see the good in others”

Happy Monday everyone!

As I mentioned the other day I am slightly behind in posting because I spent a long weekend at home, so I am only now getting to share with all of you my reaction to an op-ed that came out in my college newspaper, The Bowdoin Orient, last Friday entitled “The Pretty Game: Objectification, Humiliation and the Liberal Arts.” Another (somewhat more excusable) reason why I chose to wait to publish my response to this article is because I wanted to attend an informal discussion that was held last night, specifically about this piece, by the Bowdoin Women’s Resource Center. The op-ed generated many strong reactions from students and I was intrigued to see what would come out of the discussion. I know this article brought up a lot of stuff for me and truly resonated with my own experiences with disordered eating and I wanted to see if anyone else felt similarly. Ultimately what I got out of this discussion is that many women on campus can relate to the pressures we feel in regard to appeasing “the male gaze,” but also many of us admit to judging, as well as comparing, ourselves to other women, something I am guilty of too . We all, I believe, came out of the meeting with the recognition that we must be kinder to other women as well as to ourselves.

Personally the op-ed forced me to look back on my own experience at Bowdoin and reflect on how “the pretty game” affected, and in a sense, fed my eating disorder. In all honesty, after racking my brain I came up with quite a few experiences I had chosen to “forget” and it became obvious to me that I without a doubt played into the game, and while doing so, intensified my eating disorder. I am the first to admit that I have some serious issues with body dysmorphia and don’t see myself accurately, so as a result of this I heavily rely on other people’s evaluations of my appearance, which is something I am now working against constantly, but it did greatly dominate my life when I first started to lose weight. I especially looked to guys for reassurance about my looks… I evaluated how good a night was based on how many guys wanted to dance with me, chat me up, or hit on me. I vividly remember telling someone when I was leaving a party that my night was complete because some hottie on the lax team told me I was one of the most beautiful girls he’d ever seen…nothing came from that interaction and he most likely was hammered, but for that moment I felt like all the over-exercising and restriction I was doing was working because I was winning “the pretty game.” I myself could not see my “beauty,” something I to this day struggle with, and thus was heavily dependent on the praise I received from others. To me at times I felt worthless so I needed to turn to other people to feel like I mattered.

My inability to see myself accurately, and also the fact that my ED voice was loudly telling me that participating in the “pretty game,” was no longer my choice, but my reality, has affected my whole life. Since my self worth clearly was non existent and I couldn’t even trust my own feelings about myself it was difficult to truly believe others, even those who really had my best interests at heart. The “pretty game” and my eating disorder went hand in hand. I went down this path because I wanted to fit in and feel beautiful and I unfortunately suffered because I went to the extreme. In all reality I never won, I lost big time. I was too busy trying to convince everyone else I was pretty when I should have been trying to teach myself to love me for me. I pushed my physical and mental health to their limits and it was definitely not worth it. I wasn’t happy and I was REALLY sick…how could I possibly radiate beauty if I was miserable? The answer is simple, I couldn’t. The only way I could fix this was to start to fundamentally change how I thought about myself and that is no easy feat, but I really want to give off the best and most positive vibes possible so I have to try.

Now after almost a year of treatment I can finally recognize just how crazy, as well as destructive, the “pretty game” is to all young women out there and not just myself. I am consciously choosing to avoid going down the path of comparisons and negativity. I know personally, I need to focus on seeing myself as a whole complete person whose beauty is so much greater than I’d ever give myself credit for. I hope by sharing my experience and the work I am currently doing to better myself can help others see that what truly matters is not what size pant you wear, or how much attention guys give you when you are out, but how you feel about yourself and your ability to see just how amazing you are as an individual.

Happy Thursday Everyone ❤