Yesterday I came across this poem that really put into words many of the feelings that have consumed me since I left treatment close to two years ago. I know that I am on the path to recovery from my eating disorder and that I TRULY want to be better, but there are parts of me that ache all the time. I hurt because I am constantly fighting against a disease that is so deeply embedded inside of me, as well as society, that wherever I turn I am reminded of it. From breakfast, to lunch, to dinner… it plagues me. I mean who can say that food makes them “anxious” without feeling somewhat ostracized? Food is nourishment and is an integral part of sustaining a healthy mind/body, but honestly since it’s been my worst enemy for so long I am having a difficult time transitioning back to a normal relationship with it.
I recognize that most people will never understand me, and I wouldn’t wish upon anyone the painful task of spending 5 minutes inside of my head, but I can’t help, but be grateful for the poem above. It reassures me that I am not alone and that it’s okay that I’m still fighting even though I’ve been dealing with this disease for a few years now… It’s a marathon, not a sprint (so cliche I know), but the greatest things in life take time and I WILL be better in the long run.
I truly hope that this poem helps some of you as well. I know that it hurts, but we just have to keep fighting. Happy Tuesday 🙂