I stumbled across this image the other day on Project Heal’s (an amazing Eating Disorder Awareness Organization) Facebook page, and I found it really resonated with my own struggle. I’ve learned that those suffering from disordered eating rarely fall under one category, whether that be anorectic, bulimic, etc. and we all, for the most part have a whole hodge podge of varying unhealthy behaviors that we have normalized. I know, personally, through my own experience I exhibited behaviors that probably fall most closely under the diagnosis of anorexic, but there was one key symptom that I never possessed, and that was being underweight. Did I weigh less than my body type probably should…yeah, but I still never fell into the “dangerously low weight realm” according to bmi calculations and the average weight physicians associate to my height. This fact totally screwed with my own perception of the disease and for months, even after being diagnosed with a severe ED, I couldn’t believe that was what was wrong with me. I just never thought that I looked the part, and honestly many people to this day reinforce this insecurity of mine by saying, “well you never looked THAT thin…”
So, long story short, and over a year of therapy and treatment later, I now know that eating disorders are much less about your physical appearance and much more about your mental state. No matter how thin I got I was never going to be satisfied with my appearance and that is an issue of mental health. My behaviors, not my weight, highlighted the seriousness of my disorder and I see that even more now that I have gained back some of the weight. Realizing that eating disorders are issues of mental health and mindsets is a fact that I am slowly coming to terms with. Some days are obviously easier than others, but I just need to keep fighting and working to make my mind healthier and stronger. Everyday is a struggle, but I’m not giving up anytime soon even when I am beyond unhappy with myself, which unfortunately has been more often than not these days…I know that the only way to cure this is to continue with therapy and to keep positive.
I know that I can do this, but I also truly appreciate the support, guidance and love of others. Sometimes I feel lonely in my journey so just knowing that I have people in my corner, especially those of you who follow my blog, truly means the world to me. So I am continuing to fight and I hope everyone who relates to my story will do the same. Lets stay strong and know that we CAN recover.